What More Can I Say

What more can I say that hasn't already been vomited out by every other trout mouthed heathen in this beautiful little burgh we I call "The Great State".  Frankly, a whole helluva lot.  The Hombre has been doing his share of yuletide reading and believe you me a lot of you folks are getting a big lump of coal in your stockings this year.  I could name names, I mean its not like anyone really reads this cocaine drip of a blog, I just enjoy that feeling of throat numbing recollection, so when you do actually lay your eyes on this you are all doing something that is rarely talked about, well except for behind closed doors or in bathroom stalls.  Not that my prose is frowned upon, I mean HE-ELL I 'm not talking about masturbating during air travel, which airlines do not asses an additional charge, lest you require the assistance of airline personnel.  No, rather than be that kid on the playground, I would much rather point out what I DO NOT need to see more pontificating upon.  So, in no particular order, my Christmas wish list of topics to be eschewed.

1. Phil Cooley, we know he's cool, we know he's doing things; How a-bout you ask him where he eats and drinks, volunteers his time or spends all those hard earned dimes.
2. Whole Foods, Somerset 2.0 or any other blarg that goes with it, unless you have an inside track and that is meant in the "Wall Street have taken docs, "downloaded" files or taped clandestine meetings" sense, no more speculation, hasn't Motown suffered enough disappointment due to rumour.
3. The MLCC, Ricky Snyder, the 21 L.C.A.R.C. dwarfs and how liquor reform will effect YOU; However I would love to see someone write about the thousands of jobs Great State wholesalers provide and how it will effect their tax paying, home owning, contributing to the bottom line employees.
4. The "New" Andiamo property, concept, re-launch, resurrection, etc
5. Restaurant weeks, Wine strolls, Craft Beer Crawls; Just put it out there, no need to make me feel guiltily if I don't happen to participate in the cause.
6. The fringe, edgy, truly hand crafted, beer movement in Southwestern MI; I adore it, my liver hates it, but this is statewide and to only speak of it in a 9 county area is like saying Sofia Vergara only has nice lips...which is true but there is so much more.

7. BBQ, everywhere, seriously??? This is what you have chosen to hitch our wagon to, this and movies and we saw how that worked out.  How about someone throw down and open a Spanish joint (all due respect to San Chez-Grand Rapids and Sangria-Royal Oak) dios mio, How 'bout it ?!?!
8. And finally...D-E-T-R-O-I-T.  How many of you can say you are one of the lucky 700,000+ folks that can claim a residence in the Renaissance City.  I know! Its tough not to, we're HOT, on the rise, complete with our own marketing campaign, spokesperson and tag line.  Well, if that's what you think Detroit Rock City is, then you'll never know and if that's the only place you think the Great State has to write about well may God, Allah, Jehovah, Ganesha, Buddha, Henry Ford, Ernie Harwell, Elmore Leonard, Esham and Coleman Young smack you in the chops.  Be a homer, tell me about the great places to get sauced in Mt. Pleasant, Pleasant Ridge, Rockford, Redford, Saline, Grand Ledge, Howell, Hell, Paradise or any other hooch house in between. 

Given the wide range of topics and all the yanking about by each and every one of us exercising (or fattening up) our 1st Amendment rights, it begs the question "Can we all just get some new material?"

Is there anywhere to both eat and drink well in East Lansing?  Who's making the best Manhattan in Grand Rapids?  Best Wine List Downriver?  Can you catch a buzz for only $20 USD as a single employed clean-shaven heterosexual male in Ann Arbor?  Who has the best Craft Beer on Draught in Royal Oak?  Why can't Dearborn get back to the bar scene?  Is Kalamazoo a better place for drinks for College Students or the Young Professionals who hire them?  Boy Howdy! We are going to find out, and you had better let me know if you stumble upon the answers to these questions.  So with regard to to the imbiblical masses (its a word because I have artistic license and you will read it as such), remember that the hangover you may induce, could be your own.

Please and Thank You: Please find it in your heart to give a few bucks to help out some very special children in need.  MDA's Annual Lock-up is this Thursday and could use a little help from all of us.  Not to mention keep a certain someone out of jail Click the link: Robby D is going to Jail Thank You and 'member Santa's watching.

Keep Hope Alive and if I'm not drunk (or behind bars!) then it's not Christmas

Slow('s) Ride

Slow's ride, nothing better than heading down to Mich Ave for some of my favorite the Motor City's favorite food.  I know, I know...it's now the Hombres turn to wax poetic on the hallowed hall dedicated to hog, hooch and hickory.  Not quite, non-believers.  Yes, this place has been written about by major fish wraps on both coasts and boasted about in every periodical, social network and bathroom stall from here to Djibouti (the capitol of which is also Djibouti but the D is silent) and next I'm going to scratch out a post on how great Supino Pizza is, no sir. 

Rather than go on and on about the hipster palace hot spot that you might think Slow's BBQ is, I'd much rather talk about what Slow's is to me and on a breezy Saturday morning, it's the place I went to with my brood for my birthday lunch (for those scoring at home, 34 years-old but 58 from the waist down).  And  I hear you saying, "Of course you did" along with the rest of the suburban bourgeois, the waynestaters and the kids who have no idea what it was like to have Tiger Stadium right down the street. Well, you can suck it because what I know is the secret that makes this establishment righteous and what you know wouldn't fill a shot glass.  What is that secret, you say? Simply stated: The people.  The folks that cook, wait, watch, clean, order, fix, smoke and serve are the reason Slow's BBQ is tops in my book.  You wanna be a scenster, Absolutely this is the place to be, sitting next to politicians and posers alike covered in BBQ sauce.  But beyond that, you want to come in to place that makes you feel comfortable both inside and out, feeds not only your appetite but your soul and keeps your glasses full of libation and conversation.  Yo, I have had better BBQ and I know places that boast a bigger BAR but from the top to the bottom everyone here makes you feel like you are part of the place not just visiting.  The people know about the food, where it comes from, and the preparation that went in to creating it.  To go with that, the food is consistently great and the drinks, whether booze brew or vino, are always stocked and selected carefully.  They know the story on the who produced the wine, what whisky goes well with BBQ (all of them!) and where the crazy beers on the chalkboard are coming from.  While at Slow's, I've been informed about what I was drinking and eating and that has been enjoyably arousing. I have never been talked down to, in fact quite the opposite, its always like visiting at a friends place.

When choosing libations, and this is the difficult part, the wine list is paired for specific taste combinations, consult your server/bartender/chalkboard for application directions.  The brew selection is easy because their are no wrong choices.  They range from hard to find sours from Belgium to locally produced ales.  All of the beers on tap make for great hangover fodder, I stick to local brews from the Great State and possibly a side car of Gaelic whisky from the Shelf O'brown booze.  My go to dish is the Mac N Cheese (With apologies to the joint in Clarkston and everyone else that has found it necessary to combine, heat and serve this dish nowadays) and depending on my degree of hangover, if heavy-full on remove the ax from my frontal lobe, I stay vegetarian and go with Fries and cornbread.  If light-clear out the dust and cobwebs, I go with baked beans and a little potato salad and/or coleslaw.

The People are the thread that keep Slow's stitched together like a nice warm smoked pork snuggie.  Each of them in the know and there to help you fall off whatever wagon you might be on that day and then pick you back up.  I don't know Phil Cooley firsthand  but I do commend him on the locomotive he's been able to put together with remanded building materials in Corktown and the people he has chosen to keep it on the tracks.  It goes to show you that if you start with selecting top ingredients, what you can get from them is truly greater than the sum of their MF'in parts.  (Note: Slow's To Go is now OPEN as well)

Please and Thank You:  Thank You, Heather & Tara for the birthday lunch, for stopping by and chatting us up and for just being cool as hell.  Hugs & Kisses and Stop working so damn hard.

Keep Hope Alive and It's a celebration B****es!

Alright DETROIT

Alright Detroit, you wanted the best and you got the best. 

The hardest working people in the industry, the Michigan Brewers Guild, the people who make the fine Brew that we Great Staters are so proud of, had what the Hombre is calling the social event of the season this past Saturday afternoon.  The north terminal at Detroit's historic Eastern Market was flooded with 4,000 brew lovers, haters, fighters, hoarders, movers and shakers.  Everyone got a chance to sample the wares, definitely some of the finest grog I've ever had the chance to guzzle.  We drank and laughed and watched people fall over and wait in line for the portajohns, typical day in Motown.  Capped it off with a smashing family dinner at Union Street and that is it.  If you missed it, SHAME on you because the stars were out in full force, here is the short list of all the fine folks that made appearances and hit this link if you want to check out the brews (too many to talk about here, again this is one you need to experience).

1. Eric Curtis and the Mt Pleasant crew that made the trek down
2. Johnny "The Greek" Rodopapadoploisous (I cant spell it man!)
3. Atwater Matt and the fur covered vixen volunteers
4. Dougie Scarlett and the Cannonball Wine Crew, wouldn't have been a party without you.
5. The Godmother Scotty D and the incomparable Candace (Go Blue)
6. Haresh "The English Tiger" Patel and Frank the Colombian Car Man
7. Melissa and Danny "Blue Skies" Bristow, he was not wearing a satchel either
8. Meredith and Eric Gregory, 28 years and counting my good man
9. The Shorts Mafia-Handsome Rob, The Woj and Scott NB
10. Party Joe and Ron from Liberty Street Brewing
11. Casey the Ambassador of Arcadia
12. Robert Woodburn and his friend Michele
13. WIGGS of Dark Horse, nuff said
14. Kurt Russells fat younger brother
15. Borat (Never gets old)
16. Mark from Rave - I was drinking and felt slited; no hard feelings
17. TC Beer Guy and his entourage, How did you all fit in that Ford Probe?
18. Isaac From New Holland, hope the car was intact and no police reports had to be filed this time
19. Ian from B. Nektar
20. Jason Peltier, The Clubhouse, its happening, believe it
21. Mr. Greg of the WAB
22. Keith from O'Tooles, new taps are music to my ears
23. The whole Schuett/Johnson Clan, Can't wait for the impending nuptials
24. Scott Graham and Eric Briggeman (SP sorry) the Guild Men
25. Rex Halfpenny of Michigan Beer Guide Fame
26. And Rick Ross!

Holla at me



Please and Thank You: Please, to anyone looking to get into craft beer.  Brewing, selling, drinking what have you.  You need to look no further than the Great State to get started.  And Thank You to the fellow who many years ago took the Olde English 40 out of my hand and gave me a Bells Best Brown.  Not that I stopped tippin the four-o but it did open my eyes (and my liver) to whole new game.

Keep Hope Alive and Drink Locally whilst Thinking Globally

Ninety-Nine Problems

99 problems and Bitches Brew ain't one. 

Frankly, I am not sure what the whole deal is with all of these super rare, allocated, only-available-during-a-blood-moon-whilst-a-proper-sacrifice-is-offered-to-the-Hop-Lord, brews out there.  Listen Troglodytes, The hombre knows about rare and reserve hooch.  Booze, brews and vino I've loved and lost (and whored out) many a liquid unicorn.  Doesn't make me a connoisseur, just privileged.  But for Keyrighst Sake I never saw grown folks go batshit crazy because they missed their bottle of Shafer Hillside Select or Lewis Reserve.  Consumer, Retailer, Restaurateur, Collector, Libation Archetype or Brew Hunter, I don't care what kooky Dungeons & Dragons class level you give yourself because you're all doing exactly what Dr. Lecter said you would...You Covet.  "Look at me!  I have a Dark Lord, a 120 minute, a CBS, a KBS, a Salvation, a Consecration"...what you have my little Hop Hobbits is BEER.  And unless you pop that top like a Michigan State Sorority girl, that's all you gotss.

Make no mistake I take no issue if you want to collect and trade brew like baseball errrr Pokemon Cards but I think, and here is the line in the sand, you don't know how to share like Winos do.  For y'all its all about getting the Grail but never drinking from it.  You're Beerial Killers, stalking down prey just to chain them up in the basement and that is unacceptable.  The people you worship like Sam Caligione or Joe Short want you to DRINK their beer and SHARE it with others so they may DRINK the beer as well.  Winos know this, whether its Petrus or Pegau its the chance to make 12 friends as opposed to 24 enemies. 

God forbid you get these trophies and then are able to taste them, talk about them and not just profit from them. 

1. Founders Canadian Breakfast Stout for $160 on Ebay?  You know who you are and I have a tack hammer and a whole bottle a baby powder ready to comb your hair back (pimp speak for throwing you a beatin'). 
2. 3 Floyd's Dark Lord R.I.P. for $1200 on the day of release!  What did you do for that cash, stand in line at the brewery????  Three Floyds donates purchase ticket proceeds to charity and you are looking for a 2000% markup? 
3. And then the noble beer store owner who gets a case of Dogfish 120 min IPA, curses his distributor reps mother, wishes winged monkeys would descend upon the brewery and then gives 12 of his rabid beer email followers the privilege to pay $49.99 for one 12oz bottle. 



You see what you're lacking is a sense of community, a sense of drunk debauchery that can only be experienced and cant be quantified.  We're here, we're drinkin', get used to it.  These brews are hand made by people who want you to experience them and then talk to the opposite sex of your hipster species and make some bad decisions. 

Its liquid art, not to just be stared at but appreciated. 

Please and Thank You: It's almost Halloween and nothing gets me in a lather more than folks who answer the door just to tell the kids to go pound sand, we got no candy.  Listen Psycho if your not participating turn off the GD porchlight or what have you.  It's about the kids; not you JackWagon!  And P.S. you pass out pennies, apples or any other crap, its getting whipped at your Prius.

Keep Hope Alive and pick up the check every now and again

The Takeover

The (SHORT’S) Takeover

It was ON, and when I say ON, I mean 18 handles deep ON.  Such was the scene at CK Diggs on a balmy Octobre eve.  The crown jewel of Crooks Road, with its 41 sexy beer spigots, and Short’s Brewing Company, the one and the only, took over half the draft at this fine Rochester Hills establishment and boy howdy did they throw down.  As always Mr. Chris Khami and his staff did an outstanding job slinging the brew and the food to go with it.  The Schuett Bros. from Imperial Beverage were on site to lend a hand and Handsome Rob Cutmore from Short’s Brewing Co. was running around shaking babies and kissing hands.  The order of the evening was damn fine and the loud mouth soup was flowing.  The rest is liquid history and for ya’ll to dream about. 

Tale o’the Tape

The 5 Standard Brews made up north by people who care

-The Magician, Huma-lupa-licious, Soft Parade, Pandemonium Pale Ale and Bellaire Brown.  All were delish and filling up samplers and pints frequently.  All too often I forget just how tasty these beers are and they maintain it on a consistent basis.  Beer so good you’ll want to smack your mama but I don’t condone that so give her a hug instead.

The Seasonings

- Nicie Spicie, Via con Dios Summer! This brew just gets better as the days get shorter, fully integrated with layers of spice and fruit, savory and sweet.   Noble Chaos is reason enough to party in the fall months, their riff on a Marzen with all the trimmings you’d expect from Short’s.   ContraversiALE , RIP Hangin’ Frank and it is saddening that the last bastion of brewing creativity where we have Bithces Brew, Little Sumpin Sumpin, Kind Ale etc and some of you folks couldn’t handle Ol’ Frank taking matters into his own hands? Well, you probably can’t handle this brew billed as a Strong Pale Ale with enough Simcoe for you people and the sipability that should accompany a beer this controversial.  Get over it scumbags, it’ll always be Hangin’ Frank to me and you can juggle the beans if you don’t like it.

The Brews I drive to Bellaire for

- Pontius Pilsner, Spruce Pilsner, Chocolate Wheat…love it when you talk dirty to me.  I go from 6 to 12 when I see these beers.  Pontius is a balanced hop-lager situated on a razor blade of fresh fermented perfection.  The Blue Tips in the India Spruce Pilsner make your mouth not only happy but leave it piney fresh and clean.  Choc Wheat is a malt rave where the “E” is free and the DJ is spinning flavors at you that you can not only taste but see.  Wicked good stuff.

The We already make Bangin brews so why not make more

- Publican Porter might be the best Michigan made Porter to ever slide down my gullet.  A great reminder that beer doesn’t need to have wild herbs or exotic yeast strains to be pure alchemy, think Turkish coffee with some of that espresso bitterness (And don’t worry kittens this one be coming in 6 packs soon) Good Samaritan is a straight up trip to the Cider Mill without the crying children, pony rides and wasps, cider meets beer they fall in love you know that old horseshoe.  Bludgeon Yer Eye Black IPA…so this is the trend now and some might say it’s actually not a style but more or less a spin on a classic. F*** Y** I don’t care this beer is magnificent.  A ménage a trios of Porter, Brown Ale and IPA, Straight up liquid porn.  Grashoppa threw me for a loop, frankly because I didn’t like it and well to be honest I didn’t understand it.  Not as dark as Black IPA and not as malty as a brown.  This beer is a twisted concoction of chocolate malt and hops that give it a burnt bitter sweetness reminiscent of baker’s chocolate. 

The Reason the Beer Revolution will not be televised (with apologies to Mr. Gil Scott-Heron posthumously)
- 2009 Black Cherry Porter, Whiskey Sour (Key Lime Pie blended w/ a Belgian sour and aged in bourbon barrels), Bourbon Barrel Aged Wizard.  Even a faint attempt at describing these beers would be folly, much like telling someone else about seeing KISS play Cobo Hall for the last time ever; they need to have this experience to understand.  Special thanks to Jon Wojtowicz of Short’s for scurrying around the brewery and scoring these rare barrels.

Matt Schuett & Handsome Rob

And for the record when it was all said and done…I finished the night with a refreshing Soft Parade, why would I do that?  Because I can, and that’s what The Hombre does.  Looking forward to the Next CK Diggs Tap Takeover with Atwater Brewery on Friday November 11^th.  Some more Great Beer from the Great State.  Stay Frosty Non-Believers…

Please and Thank You:  Everyone that came out to CK Diggs over the weekend, Joe Short, Scott NB, Jon Woj, Handsome Rob and all the rowdy folks up in Bellaire and Elk Rapids.  Short's Brewing Co. Brewed Up North by people who care, Sold in Michigan & Made in Michigan.  Keep brewing it up!

Keep Hope Alive and RIP Al Davis, A Commitment to Excellence

Change Clothes

Had to change clothes but I'm back...


With a big bag o'tricks and the pimp hand to run them.  Scads of topics abound, some pointless (How many municipalities are running restaurant weeks???) some peril (watch that new scanner law switcheroo doesn't get you) and some perishable (End of the Oktoberfest brew season & Great State harvest menus and the return of the elusive white truffle to Bacco) but all awaiting a good old fashioned social network tongue lashing.  We began drinking together and the table is hardly empty>>>

 

Please and Thanks: To all the Great Staters that have made 2011 a great year.  New businesses, new ideas, new hooch, and a new sense of pride that I feel beaming from every corner of our great state...but would it kill anyone to open a new Spainsh joint in Detroit.   

 

Keep Hope Alive and America's High Five in your heart.

Get that dirt off yo'shoulder

Now! Get that dirt off of your shoulder,

Not to say that I am above taking artistic license with the words of others but then again not that I am the originator of such stylistic prose that it might be mistaken for modern dogmatic doctrine, the words be speaking to me and I be saying them.  So I say brush off the past and make a new start because there is no time like the time that we make.  Spend it however you like; with the one you love or love the one you with.  I might wear long black robes and carry a gavel from time to time but that makes me as much of a judge as does having a striking silver mane whilst driving unsuspecting women to a chilly end in an Oldsmobile make one a Kennedy; with respect to the Senator. 

I say live and let drink.  If your (head) above the hard deck set by the municipal, county, state or federal body that monitors the hooch in your neck of the nape…er…neck o’the woods then have with you the sense of mind to mind your mind, body and blood alcohol level and don’t tread upon mine.  So when an unsuspecting neophyte of the craft beer realm had the obtuse (And I’m going with the “not sharp or blunt” definition here, not the “slow to understand” one because that would just be trite on my part, Hee Hee) sense to tell me at the recent Pizzeria Biga 1^st Annual Fermentation and Beer Bash, held in the theatre built to see dough, cheese and sauce wage an ever marauding campaign upon the bocas (Seriously! It means “mouth” in Spanish and has nothing to do with veggie burgers or God’s waiting room down in FL) of the uninformed in the Great State, that maybe being able to partake in 20 of the finest Craft Brews from all over the Fifty-Nifty United States, including some rich and rare incarnations and alchemical bastardizations of the reinheitsgebot made right here in the GS, might be a bit much for some. Well I had to respond objectively and responsibly... 

So I said… “Only try each one twice!”

The rest true believer is the stuff that legends are made of.  No finer pairing, in the bastion that is Pizzreia Biga, is there than that of the Biga Pizza and the marvelous nepenthe of Craft Beer.  And to marvel at this spectacle of the bourgeois and proletariat out en mass to put it to the test was truly a sight and glass to behold!

The abundance of finely fermented libations is below>>>

ATWATER
DIRTY BLONDE	WHITE ALE
VANILLA JAVA PORTER	FLAVORED PORTER
GRAND CIRCUS IPA	INDIA PALE ALE
VJ BLACK	IMPERIAL STOUT	LIMITED BREW
SHORT'S
HUMA LUPA LICIOUS	INDIA PALE ALE
BELLEAIRE BROWN	BROWN ALE
NICIE SPICIE	FLAVORED WHEAT ALE	LIMITED BREW
ANOTHER CAUCASIAN GARY	FLAVORED White Russian Style ALE	LIMITED BREW
NORTH COAST
OLD RASPUTIN	RUSSIAN IMPERIAL STOUT
BIG SKY
HEAVY HORSE	SCOTCH ALE	LIMITED BREW
DOGFISH
THEOBROMA	FLAVORED ANCIENT ALE	LIMITED BREW
FESTINA PECHE	FLAVORED BERLINER WIESSE	LIMITED BREW
VICTORY
HEADWATERS PALE ALE	PALE ALE
OMMEGANG
HENNEPIN	FARMHOUSE STYLE SAISON
LAGUNITAS
UNDERCOVER SHUTDOWN	HEAVY HOPPED IMPERIAL BROWN	LIMITED BREW
BROWN SHUGGA	STRONG ALE	LIMITED BREW
AVERY
THE CZAR	RUSSIAN IMPERIAL STOUT	LIMITED BREW
THE KAISER	IMPERIAL MARZEN	LIMITED BREW
BEAR REPUBLIC
NOR CAL ALE	CALIFORNIA STYLE ESB
RACER 5	INDIA PALE ALE

ALRIGHT! So maybe I was a bit off the mark, Try each one THREE times!!!  The weather proved to be more than cooperative thanks to a Papal dispensation, a Chaldean Sun dance and the prayers of the Thirsty.  By the By all the best put forward for what proved to be a tip-top craft beer event.  Pizzeria Biga Chef, Owner and Proprietor, Luciano Del Signore was there greeting and meeting all that came to take pleasure in the evening. 

With Alberto De Santis, Matt Malane and Jeff Jepko making all the atmospheric attributes of the venue comfortable and Chef Joe Cosenza presenting an array of “Smack your Nana” fair from the kitchen, guests were absorbed into a gauntlet of fermentation with both the best biga and beer available.  The bar staff was savvy as were the servers on the patio and in the dining room and never did a glass stay empty.  The event was punctuated by having many industry folk in attendance including several proprietors of local craft beer restaurants and retailers along with brewery representatives from Atwater Brewing in Detroit and Victory Brewing in Downingtown, PA and the fine folks of Imperial Beverage there to lend a hand and a glass to the event. 

Ms. Lorraine, Ms. Sophia and Ms. Alyssa

Mark, Tom, Shawn and Raymond

Colleen and Javier

Please and Thank You:  Always great to help out a local business and those in need at that.  Well, Mr. Jason Peach is doing just that sort of thing.  He operates Bedside Healer Bears Inc, which makes the cute teddy bears we know and love and tailors them to give support to our loved ones at their bedside.  Please contact Jason with any inquiries Peach@bedsidehealers.com. 

Keep Hope Alive and never trust a big butt and smile