Ninety-Nine Problems

99 problems and Bitches Brew ain't one. 

Frankly, I am not sure what the whole deal is with all of these super rare, allocated, only-available-during-a-blood-moon-whilst-a-proper-sacrifice-is-offered-to-the-Hop-Lord, brews out there.  Listen Troglodytes, The hombre knows about rare and reserve hooch.  Booze, brews and vino I've loved and lost (and whored out) many a liquid unicorn.  Doesn't make me a connoisseur, just privileged.  But for Keyrighst Sake I never saw grown folks go batshit crazy because they missed their bottle of Shafer Hillside Select or Lewis Reserve.  Consumer, Retailer, Restaurateur, Collector, Libation Archetype or Brew Hunter, I don't care what kooky Dungeons & Dragons class level you give yourself because you're all doing exactly what Dr. Lecter said you would...You Covet.  "Look at me!  I have a Dark Lord, a 120 minute, a CBS, a KBS, a Salvation, a Consecration"...what you have my little Hop Hobbits is BEER.  And unless you pop that top like a Michigan State Sorority girl, that's all you gotss.

Make no mistake I take no issue if you want to collect and trade brew like baseball errrr Pokemon Cards but I think, and here is the line in the sand, you don't know how to share like Winos do.  For y'all its all about getting the Grail but never drinking from it.  You're Beerial Killers, stalking down prey just to chain them up in the basement and that is unacceptable.  The people you worship like Sam Caligione or Joe Short want you to DRINK their beer and SHARE it with others so they may DRINK the beer as well.  Winos know this, whether its Petrus or Pegau its the chance to make 12 friends as opposed to 24 enemies. 

God forbid you get these trophies and then are able to taste them, talk about them and not just profit from them. 

1. Founders Canadian Breakfast Stout for $160 on Ebay?  You know who you are and I have a tack hammer and a whole bottle a baby powder ready to comb your hair back (pimp speak for throwing you a beatin'). 
2. 3 Floyd's Dark Lord R.I.P. for $1200 on the day of release!  What did you do for that cash, stand in line at the brewery????  Three Floyds donates purchase ticket proceeds to charity and you are looking for a 2000% markup? 
3. And then the noble beer store owner who gets a case of Dogfish 120 min IPA, curses his distributor reps mother, wishes winged monkeys would descend upon the brewery and then gives 12 of his rabid beer email followers the privilege to pay $49.99 for one 12oz bottle. 



You see what you're lacking is a sense of community, a sense of drunk debauchery that can only be experienced and cant be quantified.  We're here, we're drinkin', get used to it.  These brews are hand made by people who want you to experience them and then talk to the opposite sex of your hipster species and make some bad decisions. 

Its liquid art, not to just be stared at but appreciated. 

Please and Thank You: It's almost Halloween and nothing gets me in a lather more than folks who answer the door just to tell the kids to go pound sand, we got no candy.  Listen Psycho if your not participating turn off the GD porchlight or what have you.  It's about the kids; not you JackWagon!  And P.S. you pass out pennies, apples or any other crap, its getting whipped at your Prius.

Keep Hope Alive and pick up the check every now and again